politics: a sg1/west wing crossover fic. part 1.

Josh's phone rang at 4 AM that day.
He rolled out of bed, grumbling, fumbled around for the talk button, and said "lemme get some coffee". or something like that. he wasn't sure exactly what he said, he was so tired. as he grabbed for the carafe that he always kept by his bed while on the campaign trail, he wanted to go back to sleep, and, if he was lucky, end up with 3 hours for the night. he put his phone on speaker and poured himself a cup.

"what is it? did vinnick gain 10 points in florida or something?"
"Josh, this is CJ. we need you to come down here as soon as you can"
"uhhh...why?"
"just trust me. you want to hear this."
"alright. i'll be there in a few hours. i'm, you know, in New York"
"see you then"

he downed his coffee and three extra-strength aspirin for the headache he'd never not had for the past months, since he joined the Santos campaign as a chief of staff. the Congressman should be up by now, he thought, and so he picked up the hotel handset to call his room.
"yeah, josh?"
"congressman, CJ just called"
"really? is there a crisis i need to know about?"
"umm...she just asked me to come in asap"
"okay. get yourself on a train soon."
"will do"

Josh got his pants on, splashed water on his face, grabbed a ticket with his blackberry, and ordered a cab for twenty minutes from now. he stuffed his papers into his backpack, and rushed down to the cafe for a croissant.

when he got to the DC train station, he saw someone holding a card with his name on it. he headed over, and saw that the man had a briefcase locked to his arm. wierd. Josh knew that wasn't normal, although it was common in the movies.
"Mr. Lyman?"
"yeah, that's me."
"this way please"

the man led him out to an unmarked SUV. standard government issue. climbing into the backseat, he saw a short man, bald, in a military uniform, with the stars of a general.
"hello, Mr. Lyman. my name is George Hammond. i'll be part of what Ms. Cregg wanted to talk to you about, and i came into the same station, so we'll be riding together. Richard, the case."
the man handed Josh the briefcase.
"please don't open that yet, but keep it in your possession."
"um, general, what the hell is going on. this is like something out of a crappy CIA conspiracy movie"
"we're aware of the cliches" hammond laughed, "but it really is this important, and believe me, CIA conspiracies will be the least of your worries soon"

the truck got to the white house, and Hammond and Josh got out. heading towards the oval office, Josh felt more than a bit confused. either something big was going on, or Bartlet wanted to play one last joke on him.
"'mornin' margaret"
"good morning, Josh. go right in"
heading in, Josh saw the President and CJ, both standing, and another military man, one with slightly greying hair, but with the look of one who'd been on duty a long time. he was seated, which was incredibly odd. when the president of the united states stood, you didn't sit, no matter who you were.

"ah, Josh, glad you could make it" Bartlet smiled. "allow me to present Brigadier General Jack O'neill. you've met George Hammond."
"what's this all about?" josh asked, "this has the feeling of a bad movie"
o'neill chuckled. "oh, i don't know exactly what you've seen, but it's got nothing on this, i assure you"
"General O'neill runs a top-secret Air Force program called the stargate. we want you to be a part of it. don't interrupt. just take it all in." CJ added, "General Hammond?"
"Mr. Lyman, the Stargate is a program by which the USAF sends teams to other planets via an alien device called the stargate"
Josh cracked up. "wait...what?"
"i mean exactly what i said, Mr. Lyman." Hammond continued, "this program's been taking place for the past several years. you're probably thinking to yourself, 'why me? why now?'. it's because we want you to be a part of that program."
"see, Josh, we've had some trouble" O'neill piped up, "the NID, a civilian organisation, well, let's just say they've been putting the SGC through some major political crap. we need a political officer, if you will, someone to, you know, deal with all that boring stuff."
"a short time ago, we put a civilian, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, in charge. she's...no longer available" the president said.
"so, josh, whaddaya say?"
"um, i guess i really can't say no. alright, i'll do it. but mr. president, if this is some kind of joke..."

josh disappeared in a flash of light.

some lists

top three greatest adventurers of all time

1. Jack Churchill: british army officer who would go into battle with a longbow and a claymore against submachine guns and other stuff like that. an incredible badass
2. Thor Hyerdahl: he built a balsa-wood raft and sailed it from south america to polynesia. just to prove that it could be done.
3. Edward Whymper: basically invented the sport of mountaineering. first to summit the matterhorn. then he went back to london and was a gentleman. probably had a monocle.

top two best (real) couples ever

1. Lawrence Fishburne and Gina Torres: the most pure badassery ever assembled. if they had made Mr. and Mrs. Smith, it would have been the BEST MOVIE EVER
2. Mark Jansen and Simone Simons (both of Epica): just so much fucking HOT

top three hottest keyboardists of all time

1. Tuomas Holopainen of Nightwish: he looks like Jack Sparrow, only better
2. Amy Lee of Evanescence
3. Coen Jannsen of Epica
   

AC/DC concert

so on Tuesday, my friend (whose name i won't mention) and I went to see AC/DC at the Oracle Arena in Oakland. I believe it's safe to say that we were both hit by a bullet train (go CA. High-Speed Rail!) made out of PURE ROCK

some notes from the concert:

1) the opener, a band from Belfast, Ireland, called The Answer, were actually pretty good. imagine an okay bass/drums section coupled to half of Angus Young's guitar-playing godliness and 2/3 of Robert Plant's voice. it's pretty good. if you like AC/DC or Led Zeppelin, I recommend checking them out.

2) The Screens had some pretty awesome graphics. for example, during War Machine, a song from the new album, Black Ice, they had a graphic of a WWII era bomber flying around, and then SGs started raining from its bomb bay. 'twas pretty cool.

3) so the stage was shaped like a T, with a big spit going out into the audience, and during Let There Be Rock, Angus Young went out to the end of the spit, which rose about 15 feet into the air on 3 scissor lifts, and he then proceeded to play a ridiculous solo while running around the edge of the circular platform lying on his back. this solo lasted about 6 minutes and was SO INTENSE!!!!

4) for the encore, it was two songs: Highway to Hell and For Those About to Rock. at the beginning of Highway to Hell, a trapdoor opened up in the stage, and a smoke machine started pouring smoke all over the stage, and then Angus came up onto the stage with devil horns...it was good, but FTAtR was the best song of the night... 6 CANNONS ON STAGE GETTING SHOT OFF!!!!

5) Angus did his usual striptease on stage during "the jack"

6) for Hell's Bells, Brian Johnson jumped onto the bell-rope of the giant bell that got lowered from the ceiling and swung around on it.

7) we sat next to a guy who'd seen them about 15 times, plus a bunch of other really awesome bands. you meet cool people at concerts

and on to the VP debate

Joe Biden has a problem. It’s an unfair problem but it's still a problem. In his debate with Palin, he has two options: correct all of Palin's errors and show off his knowledge and intellect, but seem like a bully to the young, inexperienced, female governor from Alaska. I’m not saying that Palin can't take care of herself, but seriously. Pundits, don't go easy on her just so that you don't get called a misogynist. She should be able to take care of herself, and especially considering McCain's health, she could very well end up in the hot seat holding most of the power in this nation. Don’t do the huge disrespect to the woman by coddling her.

Sarah Palin. She’s quite possibly the most irritating person out there. I don't know how many of you have seen the debate, but can you think about the way she says "also" about every other sentence. It’s great that she didn't say "um" a lot, which I half-expected considering the stress of this kind of debate, but her speech was just annoying. She looked like a robot. No motion, no accent, no emotion. Biden, on the other hand, CRIED ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! THE MAN HAS EMOTIONS . . . HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS DEAD WIFE!! And Palin just sat there and responded to his point without so much as an acknowledgment. Now there's a turnaround in stereotypes. A sensitive, emotional man and a harsh, businesslike woman. One of my personal favorite phrases she used was (to misquote somewhat) "all the Joe Sixpacks and Hockey Moms out there." take every guy named Joe who has a sixpack, and every person who considers themselves a hockey mom, and you get maybe 0.1% of the US population, and that's really pushing it.

the first debate

well, Barack Obama and John McCain have finally gone at it face-to-face, and let me tell you, i was really not impressed (except with Jim Lehrer, the moderator). McCain was pulling his usual crap, being hyperagressive and angry. I find his reference to himself as a "maverick" incredibly amusing. It makes me think about Tom Cruise's character in Top Gun. It’s been pretty damn well established that he voted with Bush most of the time. i actually recently saw the most wonderful anti-McCain sign ever:" John McCain for president: Get off my Lawn, whippersnappers". seriously, he was acting like every stereotypical angry old veteran ever. Even though he'll probably be better than Mr. Bush, not that that's particularly hard, he's likely to die while still in office, leaving us with Sarah Palin as president. woo, first woman president! Shit, she thinks that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. we're fucked. royally. she also wants to make rape victims pay for their own rape kits AND deny them the right to an abortion. this is UTTER CRAP! If someone gets raped, do you seriously want them to just have a child, even when they're thirteen? when someone wants to ban the dictionary from the library because it contains words like "fuck", you know they're clinically insane.
Obama, on the other hand, was far too condescending. when you agree with the other guy while he attacks you, you make yourself seem like an idiot. while his poise was a point in his favor, i can't really think that he'll win over independents while being this...weak, i guess.

favorite phrases from each candidate:
McCain: "Senator Obama doesn't understand..."
Obama: "Senator McCain is absolutely right..."
'nuff said